I'm a 37 year old female who loves music more than anything in the world. It has been my favorite thing since I was probably 7 or 8 years old. I have been to about 120 concerts, traveled across the country to see my favorite bands, and all my favorite memories were of something musical-related.
The problem is...naturally, I want to get into music for a career, but so far everything I've tried has felt wrong to me. And this has left me extremely confused and depressed.
I played violin when I was about 9 or 10. I don't remember enjoying it as much as I should have, and only did it for one year.
I took piano and voice lessons a few years ago, but was too shy to sing in front of my teacher, and I could not learn sheet music for the life of me. I tried on my own before this too (using lessons from the internet) and both times it just didn't sink in. I hated practicing but I loved to play, on my own. I could play a song on a cd player and play along with it and learn the damn thing in sometimes as little as 5 minutes but yet I could not bring myself to learn sheet music, and I eventually quit the lessons.
I volunteered at a recording studio for a few months, but that was a disaster. The guys there barely talked to me and acted like I shouldn't have been there. And what's even stranger, I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I sat in on a few recording sessions, and the music was bad so I wasn't that interested in it and the guys barely talked to me and I didn't have a clue how to help and it was just really awkward, so I just quit going. I felt like a fish out of water which confused the hell out of me since I've always dreamed about being in a recording studio helping a band record an album.
I started my own music website, and I had it going for almost 2 years, but the more I did it, the more I lost interest in it. My site was about rock music and I wanted to have a page for every rock band out there. It was a bit daunting, but I was determined. Well, towards the end I did not have the motivation to keep going, I was only 1/4 of the way done and I just didn't care anymore. My writing had lost it's spark, because I found that you can only describe music in so many ways before you start repeating youself. It started to feel like a chore. So, I got rid of my site.
I really can't figure out why every time I try to advance myself musically, it backfires. I love music more than anything so I can't figure out why it always turns out wrong.
I really wanted to be a music journalist, I LOVED Almost Famous, but I am not good with speaking and I get shy and nervous around bands so I could never interview them.
I think I love the concert aspect of it the best, and would love to work on tour, and I've asked bands before if they wanted any more roadies, but of course nobody wants me because I don't have any experience!
What is wrong with me!? Why can't I make this work? I have been looking into other completely different careers that I have an interest in but I keep coming back to music and wondering why this doesn't work when it's still the most important thing to me!? I feel like my life will be wasted if I don't do something in music! I can't afford music school either (I'm currently unemployed for the most part so I can barely afford my bills).
Does anyone have any advice for me?